Spent the entire day at a friends house earlier this week. Literally showed up in my pj's lookin a complete mess which I NEVER do. But we’re getting to be close friends so I thought why not, I’ll show another side of myself. It was really fun to just chill. We laughed a lot and I probably talked way too much during the movies hahaha! Also, I took a nap. Which made him tired and he took a nap too! (Real friends take naps together) Daft Punk was playing during nap time and I didn’t realize that they had made a movie type thing to go with the album?! But it was really cool. It’s a kind of spacey/futuristic anime/cartoon and I actually enjoyed following the story! Unusual but still pretty cool. Did I mention cookies? Because we baked some. Actually a better description is that I almost burned them. But no worries! They were saved! And they were pretty yummy if I say so myself. (And I do!)
As if my head wasn’t already fuzzy enough with wishful thinking and misguided feelings, all this touchy-feely crap between us has got to stop. It tricks my brain into thinking there could almost possibly maybe be something goin on when I know good and well that he does NOT have ‘feelings’ for me. Which is totally fine. Just because I have feelings for him does not mean that he is obligated to reciprocate those feelings. So for now I will enjoy the platonic-closeness…. Does that make sense? Idk I mean as confusing as it is in my head it makes sense.
Only time will tell, but I hope I’m not crossing some invisible boundary of friendship here. I probably am, because I always get a flash of “STOP THE MADNESS! HE DOES NOT WANT YOU!” in my head when I get all touchy feely with him. But I let it happen anyway. And I think it’s because this literally never happens to me. I mean, I never get to be affectionate towards anyone (outside of my family of course, and even with them it's rare) and yet here I have a willing participant. I have NO idea what’s running through HIS mind during these moments. I can only speak for myself. But darnit it feels good to get a taste of affection. Even if it’s almost entirely in my head. It feels great to show affection, even though I know it won't last much longer. At least I got to know what it feels like, just for a day.