Thursday, October 2, 2014

Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on...

Spent the entire day at a friends house earlier this week. Literally showed up in my pj's lookin a complete mess which I NEVER do. But we’re getting to be close friends so I thought why not, I’ll show another side of myself. It was really fun to just chill. We laughed a lot and I probably talked way too much during the movies hahaha! Also, I took a nap. Which made him tired and he took a nap too! (Real friends take naps together) Daft Punk was playing during nap time and I didn’t realize that they had made a movie type thing to go with the album?! But it was really cool. It’s a kind of spacey/futuristic anime/cartoon and I actually enjoyed following the story! Unusual but still pretty cool. Did I mention cookies? Because we baked some. Actually a better description is that I almost burned them. But no worries! They were saved! And they were pretty yummy if I say so myself. (And I do!)

As if my head wasn’t already fuzzy enough with wishful thinking and misguided feelings, all this touchy-feely crap between us has got to stop. It tricks my brain into thinking there could almost possibly maybe be something goin on when I know good and well that he does NOT have ‘feelings’ for me. Which is totally fine. Just because I have feelings for him does not mean that he is obligated to reciprocate those feelings. So for now I will enjoy the platonic-closeness…. Does that make sense? Idk I mean as confusing as it is in my head it makes sense.

Only time will tell, but I hope I’m not crossing some invisible boundary of friendship here. I probably am, because I always get a flash of “STOP THE MADNESS! HE DOES NOT WANT YOU!” in my head when I get all touchy feely with him. But I let it happen anyway. And I think it’s because this literally never happens to me. I mean, I never get to be affectionate towards anyone (outside of my family of course, and even with them it's rare) and yet here I have a willing participant. I have NO idea what’s running through HIS mind during these moments. I can only speak for myself. But darnit it feels good to get a taste of affection. Even if it’s almost entirely in my head. It feels great to show affection, even though I know it won't last much longer. At least I got to know what it feels like, just for a day.

List of current things

Making: a mess of my room. It’s in full craft/sewing room mode and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!
Cooking:  banana bread
Drinking: h20
Reading:  Attachments By Rainbow Rowell and I can’t seem to get very far. It’s not really catching my interest.
Wanting: $$$$$
Looking:  Forward to Christmas
Playing: The Civil Wars
Wasting: Time
Sewing:  Dress #2 for Motricia. Today I plan on finishing dress #1 (finally)
Wishing:  I was done with costumes…
Enjoying:  The new episodes of my favorite sitcoms. I’m so so so glad that the fall seasons are back on!!
Waiting: for cold weather. This back and forth 90-75 degree weather is NOT ideal.
Liking:  you
Wondering:  When I’ll get more hours at work.
Loving:  things that glow in the dark
Hoping: To visit my brother and sister in Idaho before December
Marveling: at the humanity and compassion of complete strangers
Needing:  more hours at work
Smelling:  B&BW salted caramel candles
Wearing:  onsie pj’s
Following:  more like stalking Ariana Grande
Noticing:  that I might be a little too obsessed with Ariana Grande
Knowing: that I’m actually completely obsessed with Ariana Grande
Thinking:  About the possibility of going back to school next year.
Feeling: Incompetent.