Thursday, October 2, 2014

Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on...

Spent the entire day at a friends house earlier this week. Literally showed up in my pj's lookin a complete mess which I NEVER do. But we’re getting to be close friends so I thought why not, I’ll show another side of myself. It was really fun to just chill. We laughed a lot and I probably talked way too much during the movies hahaha! Also, I took a nap. Which made him tired and he took a nap too! (Real friends take naps together) Daft Punk was playing during nap time and I didn’t realize that they had made a movie type thing to go with the album?! But it was really cool. It’s a kind of spacey/futuristic anime/cartoon and I actually enjoyed following the story! Unusual but still pretty cool. Did I mention cookies? Because we baked some. Actually a better description is that I almost burned them. But no worries! They were saved! And they were pretty yummy if I say so myself. (And I do!)

As if my head wasn’t already fuzzy enough with wishful thinking and misguided feelings, all this touchy-feely crap between us has got to stop. It tricks my brain into thinking there could almost possibly maybe be something goin on when I know good and well that he does NOT have ‘feelings’ for me. Which is totally fine. Just because I have feelings for him does not mean that he is obligated to reciprocate those feelings. So for now I will enjoy the platonic-closeness…. Does that make sense? Idk I mean as confusing as it is in my head it makes sense.

Only time will tell, but I hope I’m not crossing some invisible boundary of friendship here. I probably am, because I always get a flash of “STOP THE MADNESS! HE DOES NOT WANT YOU!” in my head when I get all touchy feely with him. But I let it happen anyway. And I think it’s because this literally never happens to me. I mean, I never get to be affectionate towards anyone (outside of my family of course, and even with them it's rare) and yet here I have a willing participant. I have NO idea what’s running through HIS mind during these moments. I can only speak for myself. But darnit it feels good to get a taste of affection. Even if it’s almost entirely in my head. It feels great to show affection, even though I know it won't last much longer. At least I got to know what it feels like, just for a day.

List of current things

Making: a mess of my room. It’s in full craft/sewing room mode and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!
Cooking:  banana bread
Drinking: h20
Reading:  Attachments By Rainbow Rowell and I can’t seem to get very far. It’s not really catching my interest.
Wanting: $$$$$
Looking:  Forward to Christmas
Playing: The Civil Wars
Wasting: Time
Sewing:  Dress #2 for Motricia. Today I plan on finishing dress #1 (finally)
Wishing:  I was done with costumes…
Enjoying:  The new episodes of my favorite sitcoms. I’m so so so glad that the fall seasons are back on!!
Waiting: for cold weather. This back and forth 90-75 degree weather is NOT ideal.
Liking:  you
Wondering:  When I’ll get more hours at work.
Loving:  things that glow in the dark
Hoping: To visit my brother and sister in Idaho before December
Marveling: at the humanity and compassion of complete strangers
Needing:  more hours at work
Smelling:  B&BW salted caramel candles
Wearing:  onsie pj’s
Following:  more like stalking Ariana Grande
Noticing:  that I might be a little too obsessed with Ariana Grande
Knowing: that I’m actually completely obsessed with Ariana Grande
Thinking:  About the possibility of going back to school next year.
Feeling: Incompetent.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

A list of summer things

Summer is not yet over, however here are the highlights. I'm not yet ready (will I ever be?) to get all up in my feelings and give full disclosure so I've made a 10-mile list. I love lists. I've even made lists OF lists. I know, I'm bananas but that's besides the point. Most details are locked away in my diary (does anybody keep a physical diary anymore? just me?) and will remain there until the end of forever. I believe that some things should stay private but enough rambling. Here we go guys:

  • My 21st birthday was quite possibly the worst night of my life thus far. After causing my mother to burst into tears I was given a "self-harm intervention" involving both of my parents and all of my siblings which lasted about 5 hours. Keep in mind this was the middle of the night. Absolutely nothing was solved. Which is no surprise because I. did. not. want. this. I was humiliated and honestly a little pissed. I'd never cried so hard in my life. I was literally shaking. My eyes remained swollen for three days. THREE!
  • The events prior to my actual birthday were great, however. Family portraits, concert with my sister in the city, saw an old friend, and good old fashioned family dinners.
  • I've been trying to be a bit more social. I go out maybe once a month, almost always with the same person(s) but it still counts. I always have a good time no matter what we're doing. It feels good to have someone to hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. In the beginning it was difficult to be myself because I'd been so used to seeing the same 5 people on a daily basis and adding new people to the mix was hard. But I'm happy to have new friends. And even happier that I get to spend so much time with them!
  • This summer since putting my work out there on FB and various other places around the internets I've gotten so many requests to make things for people! Adult clothes, baby clothes, curtains/home decor, and miscellany! It feels really amazing to be validated as a seamstress and to have support and recognition for something I'm so passionate about. I couldn't be more thankful for all of the opportunities that have been coming my way. But I will say that I am also completely overwhelmed! One thing I have to learn is how to say NO. Or at least Not Now...
  • I feel like my family is functioning at optimal levels. That sounds like we're a computer program or a washing machine or something... but that's the only sentence I can think of to describe it right now. My dad comes over pretty often which brings me so much joy. My siblings and I talk more often which brings me so much joy. My mom and I are getting along which brings me so much joy. I mean, granted they all get on my nerves at times and I know I get on theirs but that comes with the territory right? I love them and they love me. Things are good.
  • As I've said in a previous post my self-esteem is getting better. Scale of 1-10 with 10 as the absolute worst I'm at about a 7, which for me is pretty good. That being said I still have a ton to work on. Like, I'm still unhappy with myself but I am making progress. A conscious effort to get better and be happy. That's what's important.
  • Since this time last year I've only picked up a blade on two occasions. I mean, I still think about it more often than not. The urges are definitely still there. But I've only acted on those impulses twice. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

Monday, August 25, 2014

Like it's 1954

I've never really been into what's 'trending' or 'in fashion.' Growing up I pretty much wore whatever everyone else was wearing because I wanted to fit in. Typical right? But now that I'm an adult I've literally thrown all that out of the window and I wear what makes me happy and comfortable. And nothing is more comfortable than a dress! Preferably a knee-length dress with a full skirt. Now that I think about it... practically half of my wardrobe consists of dresses with similar silhouettes like this one! But hey, I know what I like and I'll stick to what I know looks good on me.

(to see the makings of this dress CLICK HERE!)


I've been feeling a little bit better about myself this past month. I've never been a confident person and I've never thought of myself as 'one of the pretty girls' or even mildly attractive. I'm average at best. Yeah I know, it sounds really dramatic. But it's also the truth. I can't quite put my finger on what the switch was... but lately when I look in the mirror instead of disgust and anger I think... okay, not so bad. Not bad at all.

I'm not all the way there yet but I'm getting better.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Fifty shades of purple

Today I went out with a good friend of mine! He treated me to breakfast at a place I've never been to before, drove around, watched movies, and just hung out all day. I was probably way too silent at times and for that reason I hope I didn't bore him to death! We talked about some random things and I'm just now realizing that I'm being incredibly vague... Oh well. Some things should stay private. All in all I had a great day with a great person.

Sunday, August 17, 2014


I stayed up alllll night just to make this last minute dress for my family portraits.
I'm so pleased with how it turned out! It's my new favorite!
Mint green with heart-shaped buttons and a full eyelet skirt.
What else can a girl ask for?

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The makings of a green dress

I bought this fabric and didn't have a CLUE what to do with it. After looking at it for a million years I decided on a box pleat skirt. I was going to do a copy-cat of a dress I saw on Zooey Deschanel but I ended up making to many changes to it that it turned into more of a Dear Creatures type dress. So much for that lol! I kind of eyeballed the strips of white and then used a ruler to even it out. The collar was a last minute decision but I'm glad I included it. Collars are so great!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Got Milk?

Okay this dress was seriously so much fun to make! Mainly because I got to play with this really fun Oreo cookie print fabric! I used the new(ish) Lisette pattern from Simplicity (which you can find HERE). All in all I'd say the pattern as pretty darn simple. The only thing that tripped me up was getting the keyhole facing/collar insertion right. I didn't like the look of the slim skirt in the actual pattern so I switched out the skirt for a simple a-line without pockets. The keyhole in front originally came out as barely a slit so I had to widen it just a bit for it to be visible without being too revealing. The edging on the shoulder was completely improvised just for fun ^___^  Jumbo rick-rack had become one of my favorite things to accent garments. It's so versatile and easy to work with! And can we just talk about the collar for a second? I was so happy that it went all the way around without any weird seams halfway through or worse- only made to be on the front. I mean, right? That's the worst. Either have a collar all the way around the neck or not at all. 

Now, according to the instructions the collar is supposed to have a button loop closure at the center front but I saw a few other girls who had done it and I hated the way it looked. Their collars didn't seem to lay correctly with it in the way. So I just sewed it shut, it's not like I'll need to open it for any reason. Usually I would line the bodice if nothing else but this I decided to leave completely unlined. I do have facings on the neck and armholes but that's about it. The fabric is a little on the thin side of the cotton spectrum but I'm so used to wearing a slip underneath my dresses that it doesn't bother me at all. And if I happen to change my mind later... Well I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

My dad came to visit!

Saturday night my dad came over! Originally he was supposed to be here until Monday but ended up staying all the way through Thursday! We had a great time as usual :) The first couple of days we just chilled, had bible study, I did a couple easy repairs on his clothes, and got some ice cream (the usual tradition/routine).

I had been wanting to get my hands on a record player for YEARS and this week after much deliberation we marched down to Target (my favorite place) and bought one with my birthday money. (More on that in a separate post!) Naturally we hit up some thrift stores to buy records. It felt like we were there for hours but it was time well spent. I came home with about 40 records for about $30! Not too bad... I was going bananas over every record I saw simply because it's all so new to me while my dad was in a more nostalgic state of mind. While we were driving around we came across some pretty cool things like that power/energy box thing on the side of the freeway. I don't know whether the city painted it or a random person but either way it made me smile. Best graffiti ever! My dad thought it was Ariel but I told him she's a ginger.

Of course we had to pop into Mickey D's for lunch (another tradition) and chatted about random funny things. Since we were pretty close by he thought it would be a cool idea to drive by our old house. And I freaked out once I realized that's where we were going. I felt smacked in the gut by nostalgia and quite a bit of sadness and longing. So much has changed since we lived there! I think I'll write about it soon. I have so much to say about the house that built me. (shouts out to Miranda Lambert)

On our way home there was a crazy beautiful sunset that we (and about 6 other drivers and a couple of joggers) literally pulled over to take pictures of. It was so unreal! The sun rays, the colors in the sky, just everything was picture perfect. Proof positive that the best things in life are free. 

I hurried to my bedroom to unload all of my stuff and my dad helped me set up the record player. Oh man, that was a funny couple of hours. He literally had to teach me the different parts of it, how to use it, how to store and take care of my records, etc. And of course the first record I tested out was my man Nat King Cole's Christmas Album. Oh how I wish it could be Christmas all the time. 

I realize now that my pictures are a little bit out of order, woops. Just pretend that the above information is at the end of the post. Anyway, earlier that day we had gone to thrift store #2 which happens to be my absolute favorite place to shop (also it's practically in the middle of nowhere).

As usual I made my dad hold a bunch of stuff while I tried things on. I took a few pictures while I was in the dressing room because I couldn't believe some of the ridiculousness that was in there! Turns out my followers/friends seemed to like it and it was really fun interacting and LOL'ing about my findings. It was like having shopping buddies! I think every time I go shopping in a cool/fun place I'm gonna take y'all with me. Kind of like live-tweeting! Live-gramming? Ok, we'll work on a name later...

There was so much cool stuff! But if you 'bout that thrift store life you already know how it is. I have just a few pics here but there's a bajillion more on my instagram if you want to see more. I came home with just a few pieces; a grandma purse, a couple blouses, a couple of dresses, and some belts because mine are currently falling apart. Today as I've said was his last day hanging out with us. (insert sad violin music here)

We went BACK to the thrift store (I know I know) because we forgot to pick up the cabinet for my record player to sit on. It had actually dropped in price from $9 to $5! Win!! We raced over to Home Depot for spray paint and some other things he needed. I still don't know what color to make this cabinet guys, what do you think? Silver? Gold? Chalkboard?

Anyway, I'm really sad that our fun week of adventures was over. My sister drove him back home but I stayed here. I hate goodbyes. Somehow I had this whole week off from work (with the exception of Sunday) which almost NEVER happens. I'm so so thankful for all the quality time. He told me that he'll be back soon though. Like within the next week soon. So even though I'm bummed that he left today, I have next week to look forward to! Adventure is out there!!