Sunday, September 7, 2014

A list of summer things

Summer is not yet over, however here are the highlights. I'm not yet ready (will I ever be?) to get all up in my feelings and give full disclosure so I've made a 10-mile list. I love lists. I've even made lists OF lists. I know, I'm bananas but that's besides the point. Most details are locked away in my diary (does anybody keep a physical diary anymore? just me?) and will remain there until the end of forever. I believe that some things should stay private but enough rambling. Here we go guys:

  • My 21st birthday was quite possibly the worst night of my life thus far. After causing my mother to burst into tears I was given a "self-harm intervention" involving both of my parents and all of my siblings which lasted about 5 hours. Keep in mind this was the middle of the night. Absolutely nothing was solved. Which is no surprise because I. did. not. want. this. I was humiliated and honestly a little pissed. I'd never cried so hard in my life. I was literally shaking. My eyes remained swollen for three days. THREE!
  • The events prior to my actual birthday were great, however. Family portraits, concert with my sister in the city, saw an old friend, and good old fashioned family dinners.
  • I've been trying to be a bit more social. I go out maybe once a month, almost always with the same person(s) but it still counts. I always have a good time no matter what we're doing. It feels good to have someone to hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. In the beginning it was difficult to be myself because I'd been so used to seeing the same 5 people on a daily basis and adding new people to the mix was hard. But I'm happy to have new friends. And even happier that I get to spend so much time with them!
  • This summer since putting my work out there on FB and various other places around the internets I've gotten so many requests to make things for people! Adult clothes, baby clothes, curtains/home decor, and miscellany! It feels really amazing to be validated as a seamstress and to have support and recognition for something I'm so passionate about. I couldn't be more thankful for all of the opportunities that have been coming my way. But I will say that I am also completely overwhelmed! One thing I have to learn is how to say NO. Or at least Not Now...
  • I feel like my family is functioning at optimal levels. That sounds like we're a computer program or a washing machine or something... but that's the only sentence I can think of to describe it right now. My dad comes over pretty often which brings me so much joy. My siblings and I talk more often which brings me so much joy. My mom and I are getting along which brings me so much joy. I mean, granted they all get on my nerves at times and I know I get on theirs but that comes with the territory right? I love them and they love me. Things are good.
  • As I've said in a previous post my self-esteem is getting better. Scale of 1-10 with 10 as the absolute worst I'm at about a 7, which for me is pretty good. That being said I still have a ton to work on. Like, I'm still unhappy with myself but I am making progress. A conscious effort to get better and be happy. That's what's important.
  • Since this time last year I've only picked up a blade on two occasions. I mean, I still think about it more often than not. The urges are definitely still there. But I've only acted on those impulses twice. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

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