She told me to just grin and bear it - Friday Letters

  

Dear followers+friends,
You want the truth? Well here it is straight, no chaser.
I've struggled with self-harm since the 7th grade.
I was 'clean' for about 5 months and this week I relapsed.
There I said it. I admit it.


So for mental and emotional health reasons I am going to take a small vacay from blogging. I'm not quitting blogging! I just have a lot going on in my personal life right now that needs sorting. Maybe I'll be able to really sit down and explain one day all of what's going on with me...maybe I won't. But right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to do so. I hope you understand. There's a lot of things about myself that I've kept private because it's just plain embarrassing. Like, even though it hurts so much to keep it all to myself I'm afraid to share certain things in the hopes of finally feeling relieved and accepted and understood only to have it backfire on me in the end. I don't want to be seen as an embarrassment or annoying or a hypocrite or just another pathetic girl who couldn't get her life together.

Believe me I've been doing (or at least trying my best to do) a good job of keeping my chin up. I've thought good thoughts, laughed hearty laughs, took pretty pictures, got new clothes, sang a bunch of sugary songs, and all that jazz. But it was to no avail. I've still failed. I feel like I'm back at square one. I've done all that I know how to do to keep a genuine smile on my face. But right now I am emotionally drained. I am physically tired. This past week was the straw that broke the camels back. I have done all I can to ignore my triggers. I've spent countless days researching alternatives. Looking for ways around it. Fighting all of my urges. But I failed. Just like I always do.

I feel like the best thing for me to do is to take myself away from anything in my life that may contribute to any and all negative thoughts/feelings and this includes social media. I have to do what I have to do in order to keep myself sane. So please be patient with me. Again, I'm not quitting, I just need to get myself back into a happy frame of mind.

Aloha `oe, until we meet again xoxo  

Sunshine on my day off

So, in honor of the nice day yesterday I got up early and did my hair, slapped on some make up, did a little shopping and treated myself. When I came home I watched a couple of Halloween movies and pigged out! I've been feeling really off lately.... And the only way to get over feeling awful is to force yourself to do things that would ordinarily make you feel good, right?

Tumblr Tuesday #7

*****TumblrTuesday is my weekly feature where I posts some of my favorite things I've come across on Tumblr over the week/weekend. 
Everything ranging from funny gifs, TV screencaps, inspiring quotes, Loveley pictures, or just downright ratchetry. But mostly ratchettry. 
All of these things you see in every TumblrTuesday post can be found on my actual tumblr HERE 
Disclaimer: photos and content is not my own unless otherwise noted*****

Playing Dress up at Target #2

I can't say for sure... but I think the Target people are getting tired of me always coming in and never buying anything. OH WELL!

100 Wise Words from A High School Teacher

1.   There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2.    Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3.    Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4.    If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5.    Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
6.    When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7.    Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
8.    Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9.    Don’t dumb it down.
10.    You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11.    If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12.    Never park in front of a bar.
13.    Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14.    Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
15.    Hold your heroes to a high standard.
16.    A suntan is earned, not bought.
17.    Never lie to your doctor.
18.    All guns are loaded.
19.    Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20.    The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21.    Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22.    Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23.    A handshake beats an autograph.
24.    Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
25.    If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
26.    If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
27.    Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
28.    Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29.    Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30.    When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31.    Eat lunch with the new kids.
32.    When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33.    It’s never too late for an apology.
34.    Don’t pose with booze.
35.    If you have the right of way, take it.
36.    You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
37.    When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38.    Never push someone off a dock.
39.    Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
40.    It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
41.    Don’t make a scene.
42.    When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43.    Know when to ignore the camera.
44.    Never gloat.
45.    Invest in good luggage.
46.    Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
47.    When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48.    Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49.    Give credit. Take blame.
50.    Suck it up every now and again.
51.    Never be the last one in the pool.
52.    Don’t stare.
53.    Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54.    Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55.    If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
56.    Admit it when you’re wrong.
57.    If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58.    Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59.    Thank the bus driver.
60.    Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61.    Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62.    Know at least one good joke.
63.    Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64.    Know how to cook one good meal.
65.    Learn to drive a stick shift.
66.    Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67.    It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68.    Dance with your mother/father.
69.    Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
70.    Always thank the host.
71.    If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
72.    Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
73.    There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74.    Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
75.    Keep your word.
76.    In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.
77.    Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
78.    Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
79.    Don’t be the talker in a movie.
80.    The opposite sex likes people who shower.
81.    You are what you do, not what you say.
82.    Learn to change a tire.
83.    Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84.    An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85.    Don’t litter.
86.    If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87.    You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88.    Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
89.    Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90.    Make the little things count.
91.    Always wear a bra at work.
92.    There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93.    You’re never too old to need your mom.
94.    Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95.    Know the words to your national anthem.
96.    Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
97.    Smile at strangers.
98.    Make goals.
99.    Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100.    If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.