Friday Letters

Dear work, I love you... but this Christmas music is ruining the holidays for me. Also I hate ribbons. And fleece. I am so sick of fleece. Dear self, you should have started looking for a second job long before now... but better late than never. As not-fun as it sounds, you can definitely handle a second job. So go get one already. Dear you, I don't know if I'm excited or scared... maybe it's both. I am really curious though, so let's just see where this goes. Dear December, HURRY UP AND BE OVER ALREADY! December/Christmas time was always such a great time in my life... but this year because of work and all the different things I have going on with family and friends it's just reaaally stressful. I'm so busy everyday when I just wanna chill and enjoy the season. Although I have much to look forward to, Christmas day obvi + seeing my BFFs, I'm ready for the holidays to be over. Dear hair, you've been giving me more good hair days than bad. But say your prayers because you're about to dye. Dear singing, sorry I've neglected you for so long. But there really just wasn't anything to sing about. I miss using my vocals to express whatever was on my heart and the free feeling that comes from that. But all I can think of are sad songs. I shut my mouth and just hum along because I feel that letting it out would only multiply those feelings. But lately I've been thinking maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe it could give me a sense of release like it used to. Dear self, again, quit being such an immature baby. You're an adult, deal with your problem and move on. You've got things to do, ain't nobody got time to dwell on the past. Get over it already. Dear sisters, I feel like since I've gotten older we've become so much closer. I'm really thankful for that and I look forward to more good times with you all. Dear readers, I don't know who you all are, or if you're still reading my blog at all... but I apologize for not updating/posting as much this month. But as I've said December has been a hectic month and I just couldn't find the time. But thank you for sticking with me anyway. Y'all are the best.

She told me to just grin and bear it - Friday Letters

  

Dear followers+friends,
You want the truth? Well here it is straight, no chaser.
I've struggled with self-harm since the 7th grade.
I was 'clean' for about 5 months and this week I relapsed.
There I said it. I admit it.


So for mental and emotional health reasons I am going to take a small vacay from blogging. I'm not quitting blogging! I just have a lot going on in my personal life right now that needs sorting. Maybe I'll be able to really sit down and explain one day all of what's going on with me...maybe I won't. But right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to do so. I hope you understand. There's a lot of things about myself that I've kept private because it's just plain embarrassing. Like, even though it hurts so much to keep it all to myself I'm afraid to share certain things in the hopes of finally feeling relieved and accepted and understood only to have it backfire on me in the end. I don't want to be seen as an embarrassment or annoying or a hypocrite or just another pathetic girl who couldn't get her life together.

Believe me I've been doing (or at least trying my best to do) a good job of keeping my chin up. I've thought good thoughts, laughed hearty laughs, took pretty pictures, got new clothes, sang a bunch of sugary songs, and all that jazz. But it was to no avail. I've still failed. I feel like I'm back at square one. I've done all that I know how to do to keep a genuine smile on my face. But right now I am emotionally drained. I am physically tired. This past week was the straw that broke the camels back. I have done all I can to ignore my triggers. I've spent countless days researching alternatives. Looking for ways around it. Fighting all of my urges. But I failed. Just like I always do.

I feel like the best thing for me to do is to take myself away from anything in my life that may contribute to any and all negative thoughts/feelings and this includes social media. I have to do what I have to do in order to keep myself sane. So please be patient with me. Again, I'm not quitting, I just need to get myself back into a happy frame of mind.

Aloha `oe, until we meet again xoxo  

Friday Letters

Dear extremely rude customers, 95% of your arguments are invalid. However, I refuse to let your bad attitude ruin my good days. I will not take it personally. I will not argue back. I will not lose my patience. I will continue to do my job and serve you with a smile. But could you please just take a breath and calm down? You're making all the other customers reaaally uncomfortable. Thanks and please come again! Dear green tea, I've been cheating on you with black tea.... and I think I love him. Dear legs, man oh man you have been getting some serious exercise! What are we up to? 10 miles since last Monday? And so far you're doing a great job of not making me feel like I wanna pass out. So thanks for that. You're getting stronger every time. Dear Pandora playlist, you've been filling me up with so much happy tingly feelings! Dear parents, lately I feel like I have your full attention. And that makes me feel so important. I feel like you care. Dear mean neighborhood boys, okay look. I know I look like I'm your age, but I am not. I am a grown woman and if you continue to harass me I am not afraid to knock on your mamas door and tell her all the names you think are so hilarious to shout at me. Dear F21, thanks for sending my package 3 days earlier than I expected!!! Your clothes may not always be fantastic quality but you've always had really fast shipping! Oh, and high-five for staying true to the pictures online! Dear Gabrielle Aplin, I wish I had a voice like yours. Dear bloggers, will one of you PLEASE take me apple picking with you?! There's literally nothing like that out here and you all make it sound so amazing. So until I receive my invite I'll be taking a trip 'apple picking' by myself at the grocery store down the street.

Friday Letters #1

Dear rainclouds, I'm not ready for you yet. However, it would really suck to have to deal with rain around Thanksgiving time... So if you don't mind can you please just get it over with now? Because you're making it hard for me to get dressed in the A.M. when you creep around all morning only to completely disappear in the afternoon.

Dear September, you came and went so fast! You're almost over but I can't say that I'll miss your wishy-washy transitional weather. Syonara.

Dear Fox.com, why do I have to be a member to watch the episode of New Girl I missed last week?!

Dear Netflix, can you pretty please with a cherry on top put all the latest seasons of my favorite shows on? You get me all hyped up on the first 7 seasons and then leave me hanging. I MEAN COME ON!!! I thought we had something special!

Dear Mexican grocery stores, I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I have been cheating on my usual grocery spots for a few years now and I think it's time you an I make it official. +You have the best tomatoes ever.

Dear Doctor Who, after catching up on all your seasons I have officially become a Whovian. But I still don't know how I feel about 12. We'll see how it goes after the first few episodes.