Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on...

 

Spent the entire day at a friends house earlier this week. Literally showed up in my pj's lookin a complete mess which I NEVER do. But we’re getting to be close friends so I thought why not, I’ll show another side of myself. It was really fun to just chill. We laughed a lot and I probably talked way too much during the movies hahaha! Also, I took a nap. Which made him tired and he took a nap too! (Real friends take naps together) Daft Punk was playing during nap time and I didn’t realize that they had made a movie type thing to go with the album?! But it was really cool. It’s a kind of spacey/futuristic anime/cartoon and I actually enjoyed following the story! Unusual but still pretty cool. Did I mention cookies? Because we baked some. Actually a better description is that I almost burned them. But no worries! They were saved! And they were pretty yummy if I say so myself. (And I do!)

As if my head wasn’t already fuzzy enough with wishful thinking and misguided feelings, all this touchy-feely crap between us has got to stop. It tricks my brain into thinking there could almost possibly maybe be something goin on when I know good and well that he does NOT have ‘feelings’ for me. Which is totally fine. Just because I have feelings for him does not mean that he is obligated to reciprocate those feelings. So for now I will enjoy the platonic-closeness…. Does that make sense? Idk I mean as confusing as it is in my head it makes sense.

Only time will tell, but I hope I’m not crossing some invisible boundary of friendship here. I probably am, because I always get a flash of “STOP THE MADNESS! HE DOES NOT WANT YOU!” in my head when I get all touchy feely with him. But I let it happen anyway. And I think it’s because this literally never happens to me. I mean, I never get to be affectionate towards anyone (outside of my family of course, and even with them it's rare) and yet here I have a willing participant. I have NO idea what’s running through HIS mind during these moments. I can only speak for myself. But darnit it feels good to get a taste of affection. Even if it’s almost entirely in my head. It feels great to show affection, even though I know it won't last much longer. At least I got to know what it feels like, just for a day.

List of current things

Making: a mess of my room. It’s in full craft/sewing room mode and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!
Cooking:  banana bread
Drinking: h20
Reading:  Attachments By Rainbow Rowell and I can’t seem to get very far. It’s not really catching my interest.
Wanting: $$$$$
Looking:  Forward to Christmas
Playing: The Civil Wars
Wasting: Time
Sewing:  Dress #2 for Motricia. Today I plan on finishing dress #1 (finally)
Wishing:  I was done with costumes…
Enjoying:  The new episodes of my favorite sitcoms. I’m so so so glad that the fall seasons are back on!!
Waiting: for cold weather. This back and forth 90-75 degree weather is NOT ideal.
Liking:  you
Wondering:  When I’ll get more hours at work.
Loving:  things that glow in the dark
Hoping: To visit my brother and sister in Idaho before December
Marveling: at the humanity and compassion of complete strangers
Needing:  more hours at work
Smelling:  B&BW salted caramel candles
Wearing:  onsie pj’s
Following:  more like stalking Ariana Grande
Noticing:  that I might be a little too obsessed with Ariana Grande
Knowing: that I’m actually completely obsessed with Ariana Grande
Thinking:  About the possibility of going back to school next year.
Feeling: Incompetent.

A list of summer things

Summer is not yet over, however here are the highlights. I'm not yet ready (will I ever be?) to get all up in my feelings and give full disclosure so I've made a 10-mile list. I love lists. I've even made lists OF lists. I know, I'm bananas but that's besides the point. Most details are locked away in my diary (does anybody keep a physical diary anymore? just me?) and will remain there until the end of forever. I believe that some things should stay private but enough rambling. Here we go guys:

• My 21st birthday was quite possibly the worst night of my life thus far. After causing my mother to burst into tears I was given a "self-harm intervention" involving both of my parents and all of my siblings which lasted about 5 hours. Keep in mind this was the middle of the night. Absolutely nothing was solved. Which is no surprise because I. did. not. want. this. I was humiliated and honestly a little pissed. I'd never cried so hard in my life. I was literally shaking. My eyes remained swollen for three days. THREE!
• The events prior to my actual birthday were great, however. Family portraits, concert with my sister in the city, saw an old friend, and good old fashioned family dinners.
• I've been trying to be a bit more social. I go out maybe once a month, almost always with the same person(s) but it still counts. I always have a good time no matter what we're doing. It feels good to have someone to hang out with and talk to on a regular basis. In the beginning it was difficult to be myself because I'd been so used to seeing the same 5 people on a daily basis and adding new people to the mix was hard. But I'm happy to have new friends. And even happier that I get to spend so much time with them!
• MY SISTER IS PREGNANT! WOOO! BABY #2!
• This summer since putting my work out there on FB and various other places around the internets I've gotten so many requests to make things for people! Adult clothes, baby clothes, curtains/home decor, and miscellany! It feels really amazing to be validated as a seamstress and to have support and recognition for something I'm so passionate about. I couldn't be more thankful for all of the opportunities that have been coming my way. But I will say that I am also completely overwhelmed! One thing I have to learn is how to say NO. Or at least Not Now...
• I feel like my family is functioning at optimal levels. That sounds like we're a computer program or a washing machine or something... but that's the only sentence I can think of to describe it right now. My dad comes over pretty often which brings me so much joy. My siblings and I talk more often which brings me so much joy. My mom and I are getting along which brings me so much joy. I mean, granted they all get on my nerves at times and I know I get on theirs but that comes with the territory right? I love them and they love me. Things are good.
• As I've said in a previous post my self-esteem is getting better. Scale of 1-10 with 10 as the absolute worst I'm at about a 7, which for me is pretty good. That being said I still have a ton to work on. Like, I'm still unhappy with myself but I am making progress. A conscious effort to get better and be happy. That's what's important.
• Since this time last year I've only picked up a blade on two occasions. I mean, I still think about it more often than not. The urges are definitely still there. But I've only acted on those impulses twice. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

social sunday

1. 5 things you want us to know about you

 

2. 5 favorite things about blogging

 

3. 5 things you are doing before the year is over

 

4. 5 favorite fall fashion staples

 

5. 5 favorite beauty products

Like it's 1954

I've never really been into what's 'trending' or 'in fashion.' Growing up I pretty much wore whatever everyone else was wearing because I wanted to fit in. Typical right? But now that I'm an adult I've literally thrown all that out of the window and I wear what makes me happy and comfortable. And nothing is more comfortable than a dress! Preferably a knee-length dress with a full skirt. Now that I think about it... practically half of my wardrobe consists of dresses with similar silhouettes like this one! But hey, I know what I like and I'll stick to what I know looks good on me.

(to see the makings of this dress CLICK HERE!)