Shamed at work + a random OOTD

Welp, it's finally getting cold over here.
My daily necessities are now tights, a sweater, and sometimes even gloves. I don't mind it though, wintery weather allows for cute tights and lots of fun layering! I actually ended up changing clothes right after these pictures... but I refused to do it all over again. See... what had happened was... I thought I was going to be walking to work today. And usually I'll wear shorts and tennis shoes. Once I get to work I change into my REAL outfit which is tucked neatly into my purse. But no one wanted to walk with me because they felt it was too cold (which it reaaally wasn't. I think they're just LAZY). I don't walk by myself anymore because it's not safe. Reluctantly I changed clothes and caught a taxi (because we also only have one car which was currently being driven around in another city).

Work today was cool.
Not any rude customers like on Sunday. Man they were gettin' on my LAST good nerve yesterday. But being the fabulous employee that I am I never let it show. I nearly lost my shiz when some customers I had noticed some not-so-pleasant scars on my arm and decided it was a good idea to tell me how offensive it was. I can't even tell you how upset I was. I mean, it was embarrassing and it made me feel a little ashamed and sad. But the more she kept talking the angrier I got that she could be so mean about it. Needless to say I ran to the break room to put my sweater back on until the end of the night. Luckily a friend I hadn't seen in quite a while (almost a year?) came in with his girlfriend. It always feels good to see familiar faces at work. But we didn't talk, like at all. Lol I guess I was still a little upset about that woman from earlier that my mind was somewhere else and I just didn't feel like making small talk. So that was that.



Side note:
Over the weekend I gave away a bunch of clothes.
It's a personal rule that when I buy new clothes I have to give away a bunch of old ones.

Thrift store clothing haul! - Black Friday sale

So, for the purpose of saving you the the time it would take for my blog to load I inserted a "Read More" lol. There's SO MUCH STUFF GUYS!

Believe it or not my local thrift stores participated in the Black Friday sales. Everything was 50% off! I went to three different stores and got everything for (drum roll please) $50! High five for sales on sales on sales! The best part is that I really won't have to do too much to the fit of everything. I mean, the usual taking in of the waist, a few hems there, but nothing major.


This is the first time I've ever gone out on Black Friday. We've all heard the horror stories. I ain't about that life. I literally got off work around 3pm and only went to thrift stores. After that I took my behind home. You'd think everyone would have gotten all of the shopping out of their system the night before but nooooo. I was sadly mistaken. But anyway I'm so happy with what I got. Shopping is tiring, but so so worth it for those prices :)

That dress I wore for Thnksgvng

I feel like a pumpkin fairy, in a good way.

Hanging out with Baby Danielle on Thanksgiving

 

Pre-Thanksgiving party // Anxiety attack

Every now and then my aunt who lives close by throws a Family+Friends party. This year it happened to fall the Saturday before Thanksgiving. So it became sort of a pre-Thankgiving party. I arrived with my mom + sister (how cute are they?!) and for the first hour or so I was perfectly fine. A little nervous seeing so many unfamiliar faces when I expected to run into a lot of my cousins that night instead. But I was happy to be out of the house, dressed up, and ready to eat some good food. After eating, greeting and chatting a bit with people I did recognize we were just kind of bored. We sat around that table and I snapped some pictures that you see above. My mom and sister were ready to leave but my dad and my cousins hadn't yet arrived. So I stayed behind hoping they would come very very soon! I was okay for the first 20 minutes or so because my dad showed up and I basically followed him around like a shadow. But then I started to feel really uncomfortable.

By this time it was about 9p.m. and none of my cousins were there and it was safe to say they weren't showing up. I texted Kiko to see if she'd come by because I missed her and I was really only waiting for her to come to the party. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have even come to the party at all. So there I was in a house full of what felt like 60 or so people. I sat on the stairs and watched the older guys play dominoes and that was kind of entertaining. But then suddenly I felt really sad and lonely. So I got up and walked around looking for friendly faces to introduce myself to. Some little kids were running around so I talked to them for a bit. I really did try to socialize!! I didn't want a repeat of Cathy's party in June. (I wrote about that here)  But every time I did I felt myself becoming more and more uncomfortable. More insecure. More stupid. More alone.

A few of the things running through my head:
Why did I even come here? I should've stayed home.
It's not like anyone would miss me here anyway if I hadn't shown up.
I wanna go home.
I go to family parties all the time, why am I STILL not comfortable around them?
Where is Kiko???
I'm never going to another one of these things again.
I hate this. I should have left with my mom.
My dress is stupid. My hair is stupid. Everyone keeps looking at me.
Where the HECK did my dad go?
SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE ME HOME. NOW. I WANNA GO RIGHT NOW.

I was fighting the urge to cry pretty hard towards the end of the night. I was all by myself despite my attempts to socialize.We'd had a conversation about my problems with social events before and so he recognized when I was in distress. Without me asking (or even realizing that he noticed me being a loner) my dad sat with me on the stairs for a minute or two to ask what was wrong. Unfortunately before I could muster up the courage to ask to be taken home early someone started talking to him and they walked away. So I actually went upstairs because I could feel myself losing all control. My hands were cold and shaking, I was tearing up, and I just knew that if one more person came near me I was going to lose my mind. So before anything else could happen I turned and went straight up the stairs into one of the spare bedrooms and immediately before I could even close the door I started crying. Like sobbing. I looked at my phone again to see if I had gotten any messages from Kiko. But the last one she sent she told me that she would try to come. But that was it. I felt miserable and so lonely. I didn't want to drag my dad away from the party and beg him to take me home. I didn't want to be clingy and make him feel like he needed to babysit me. I didn't want other people to think something was wrong with me and I needed to follow him around like a child. Basically I didn't want to ruin his night. I tried to get myself together but I just could not handle being at this party.