A-line skirt obsession

So if you don't already know this, I have been completely obsessed with Ariana Grande since I started watching Victorious back in the day. Anyway I saw a picture floating around Pinterest of her in this adorable orange plaid a-line miniskirt. I think I saw it in November? Anyway I love  short skirts and short dresses so I was immediately drawn to it. I'm more of a full skirt kinda girl because they make me look a lot skinnier and they're just more flattering on me versus anything else but she looked so small and adorable in hers! And after Googling her like a maniac I gather we're roughly the same size. So if she can look nice in an a-line mini so can I.

I put it on my sewing list and amidst all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season I completely forgot about it. This morning I go on Pinterest, only for like five minutes of course, and it seemed like every other outfit pin incorporated a miniskirt. And most of them plaid!

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Normally I'm not even into plaid! I can only think of a handful of things in my closet that are gingham/plaid: a dress, two shirts, and three skirts. But I guess the more I see it the more it grows on me.Whatevs, it's cute. PLUS there's a few bolts of plaid and gingham fabric on clearance at my job so that helps to make my decision. Sorry I don't have a picture of them but take my word for it- there are really pretty! Word association: Anyone else immediately think of picnics and Clueless when they hear 'plaid'? Looks like I'll be making some miniskirts soon!

Actually now that I'm looking at those last two sentences with my ring finger on the 'backspace' key that brings me to another thought... I would love to go on a picnic. Last one I can remember was 4th of July last summer. Before that I was a sophomore in high school! Y'all know I don't get out much....Does anybody else daydream about picnics? I mean the whole idea is so cute. And like the domesticated girl that I am my favorite part is the matching dish sets, preparing food and packing it up all pretty in gingham patterned baskets and blankets. Although it sounds good in theory I know that I'd get sick of hauling all that mess around. I'm totally cool with grabbing Mickey D's or any other fast food and sitting on a park bench and calling that a picnic.

We accept the love we think we deserve

We've all heard it a million times.
It's hard. It's really hard to get out of your own way sometimes.

I've pushed people away countless times. I always believed it was somehow better to leave before I was left. They were going to disappear sooner or later so at least this way it's on my own terms. I'll just beat them to the punch because it'll hurt less this way. I've let all my fears and insecurities drive me away from friends and family who truly care about me. And even from a few that I could have developed relationships with had I not run them off. If only I had allowed myself to trust. To allow someone to get close to me. To accept that maybe someone actually does care. Or at least wants to for whatever their reason may be.

"I, on the other hand, have not yet accepted a love. It’s not for lack of wishing though. I crave that kind of love and hope and wish for it on a daily basis. And while I have met a few guys who have in some way tried to take things to the next level, I have never felt (apart from 2 very separate occasions) compelled to give myself to a person in that way and let them in to my life. I know it sounds ridiculous and probably is very unrealistic, but I am constantly searching for my idea of perfection. I know what I want and I am not really willing to compromise. Unfortunately, it is this belief and this feeling within me that has probably held me back from being with at least a couple of guys now. But is this really a bad thing? Sure, at the grand old age of 24 I have yet to experience a lot of things even 16 year olds already have, but has it ultimately meant that I’ve saved myself from a lot of torment, heartache, embarrassment and time by not investing in the wrong people? I know they say you learn from your mistakes but I really don’t want certain significant events in my life to be mistakes. I want them to be glorious. I want to look forward to going a date. I want to get excited about the guy I’m going to see. I want to look back at a guy and feel nothing but warmth in my heart for him and the person he is. I want him to be intelligent and able to hold a conversation. I also would like him to be taller than me in my tallest boots! But most of all I want him to make me laugh."  -siof

"your own self esteem is the most valuable thing you own. too often people fall into relationships that are volatile and remain in them for as long as they think they can't do better. but underneath it all, they "can't do better" because they don't think they're worthy of greater things. if you think highly of yourself, you wouldn't let anybody walk all over you, right? so in love, if you know you're the equivalent of rainbows and unicorns, you should really only be with someone who also thinks you're amazing and treats you so."-Regina

While I agree with these two ladies, and they have very valid points, their feelings differ from my own. I'm not 'hiding myself away' because I believe that I deserve some fantastic person and 'refuse to settle.' I'm not putting myself in the arms of awful people because I 'don't think I can do better.'

I want to be loved. But I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything worthy of loving. Sure I'm a nice girl, and I do my best to keep those around me happy... But I just honestly don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I have nothing to offer.

For instance I went on a date recently and he was such a sweetheart. He was saying all the things I'd been dying to hear from a boy. He was a gentlemen, too. Opening doors, asking permission, making sure I was comfortable, the whole nine. But the entire time all I could do was question his every intention. I freaked out anytime he said something complimentary. Every move he made I tried to analyze. I told him that I know eventually he'll find something about me he doesn't like, get bored of me, or just something will make him leave because everyone always leaves. I don't know what I was thinking! I mean who does that?? For some reason I couldn't stop myself. He tried to reassure me that he plans on stickin around but I didn't hear a word he said. I want to believe him but something in me just gets sad and turns away. All these negative thoughts come into my mind. "That's what they all say. And where are they now? In the arms of someone else."  And I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm completely crazy by now. And he's half-right. Because it doesn't make any logical sense. Why would anyone in their right mind... just... just drive someone away who clearly wants to be there? I mean, he approached me for goodness sake! Ugh!

I'm mad at myself more than anything. I do this every. single. time. and then I wonder why I'm always alone. Is my self-esteem really that low? To the point that even when someone tells me something to my face I still can't accept it? My insecurities were really showing the entire night. Which is so sad. Because at my age I should really have a handle on that, but I don't.

Shamed at work + a random OOTD

Welp, it's finally getting cold over here.
My daily necessities are now tights, a sweater, and sometimes even gloves. I don't mind it though, wintery weather allows for cute tights and lots of fun layering! I actually ended up changing clothes right after these pictures... but I refused to do it all over again. See... what had happened was... I thought I was going to be walking to work today. And usually I'll wear shorts and tennis shoes. Once I get to work I change into my REAL outfit which is tucked neatly into my purse. But no one wanted to walk with me because they felt it was too cold (which it reaaally wasn't. I think they're just LAZY). I don't walk by myself anymore because it's not safe. Reluctantly I changed clothes and caught a taxi (because we also only have one car which was currently being driven around in another city).

Work today was cool.
Not any rude customers like on Sunday. Man they were gettin' on my LAST good nerve yesterday. But being the fabulous employee that I am I never let it show. I nearly lost my shiz when some customers I had noticed some not-so-pleasant scars on my arm and decided it was a good idea to tell me how offensive it was. I can't even tell you how upset I was. I mean, it was embarrassing and it made me feel a little ashamed and sad. But the more she kept talking the angrier I got that she could be so mean about it. Needless to say I ran to the break room to put my sweater back on until the end of the night. Luckily a friend I hadn't seen in quite a while (almost a year?) came in with his girlfriend. It always feels good to see familiar faces at work. But we didn't talk, like at all. Lol I guess I was still a little upset about that woman from earlier that my mind was somewhere else and I just didn't feel like making small talk. So that was that.



Side note:
Over the weekend I gave away a bunch of clothes.
It's a personal rule that when I buy new clothes I have to give away a bunch of old ones.

Things I want to mention but don't really wanna talk about

There's so many things on my mind lately. A lot has been going on and we're only half way through October! I've been so busy working almost every day, sewing, de-cluttering, and exercising that I literally spend all of my free time sleeping. Because of this I often use some time on my days off (in between naps of course) and write out a few posts and schedule them throughout the week so y'all don't think I'm dead or something. Today I'm off, but I honestly don't even feel like writing out 15 different posts about all the things that sounded like really good ideas last week as I wrote them down in my notebook. So instead I'm just going to make a list of all the things I really want to mention but just don't have the energy to make separate posts about. Plus some things don't really need a whole post. So I suppose it's my mid-October honorable mentions. Off we go!

I now have three pen pals! I get SO excited when I get a cute letter in the mail and I got my third one on Monday :) I wrote letters to about 6 or 7 people earlier this year and was a pretty heartbroken to never hear from them. I almost gave up writing letters because it made me sad to take the time out to write to people who didn't care to write back. But then some lovely ladies in blogland wrote to me! Nothing huge, but a sweet card introducing themselves and saying hello (which is huge to me). Today I sent out my little cards in reply and I hope it gets to them very very soon!   you know who you are -wink-

As I've said earlier, most if not all of my free time is spent sleeping. Personally I don't mind it, I mean it's not like I have a social life to keep up with and appearances to make other than the usual visits to one of my sisters houses. Two and a half weeks of work down and I'm not fully set into my routine yet. My internal clock wakes me up somewhere between 9 and 10AM everyday but the rest of my body hasn't quite caught up yet.


I'm getting plenty of exercise as of late. Which is fantastic because I hate working out. I hate any and all unnecessary physical activity to be honest. COUCH POTATOES UNITE! I walk about 2 miles almost everyday and I've been keeping track of how many miles I've walked this month and so far I'm at 13! Go me!

Slowly but surely I'm getting through my fall to-do list. In THIS post I shared with you some of the things I needed to get done. I have a thing about deadlines and so there isn't reeeeally a set timeline but as long as I finish everything before winter hits I'll be satisfied. Right now I'm in the middle of making a tutu for my niece and so far so good! Next I'll start on the skirt for my sister. Just as soon as I can get her measurements. Shouldn't take me too long. I've got the pattern/tutorial saved on my computer. The fabric and stuff is all picked out, I just need to double check with her that it's the color she wants. Also, after about two weeks of procrastinating I'm ready to give my nephew back his jacket that I talked about over HERE. woops

After a year and some change, I've made the decision to dye my hair purple. Unfortunately for me, my job prohibits me from dyeing my hair any 'unnatural color.' So I have to wait and wait and wait. But that's okay, because in the meantime I can get my hair to the healthiest possible state I can. Because after going banana-pants researching the best possible way to achieve long lasting purple hair without going to a salon I'm gonna thank myself for all the time spent really taking care of my hair. P.S. Any tips YOU have would be greatly appreciated!


I still hate fall weather. Transitional weather just sucks for so many reasons. Other people in blogland rant and rave about all the lovely festivities going on and the lovely chilly weather and the lovely crunchy leaves and lovely Starbucks drinks and the blah blah blah. Well over here it's still warm enough to wear shorts everyday, which I've been doing. The trees are still green and there are plenty of annoying bugs all over the place. My eczema is flaring up all the time and it's driving me mad. So I kind of hate you if you're in one of those cities/towns that is experiencing the 'ideal' fall season.

I hate birds. That is all.

99% sure that I'm gaining weight. Roll your eyes all you want. But after spending most of my life between 110 and 120lbs it's a pretty big deal! Nobody I know (except my grandmother) has a scale and it's been bugging me. That couch potato stuff is probably catching up with me. My clothes still seem to fit just fine but I swear I feel 10lbs heavier. Hopefully all this walking will make that go away. We'll see. But I don't want you to think I'm doing anything crazy about it! I'm not dieting, working out like a maniac, or developing any kind of body image issues. I just feel... heavier you know?

That's all for now. I'll probably do this again at the end of the month... But don't hold me to that. Right now it's 6 o'clock and time for me to make myself some dinner so until next time, take care! XOXOXO

Things I feel like I wanna do

We all have things that we want to do. Important stuff, friends stuff, school stuff, just STUFF. They usually come across our minds while doing something usually completely unrelated. Like the other day I was walking home from work and I got all these ideas about what I wanted to cook for Sunday dinner. Once I got home I completely forgot about it... until right now. I'll be watching something on TV and think hmmm I think I should finally just do that hair tutorial video. And then the episode I'm watching ends and I forget. I'll be putting the laundry away and say to myself Hey I really wanna do a blog post on blahblahblah. I put my clothes away, come back to the computer, and then stay on YouTube for an hour. Needless to say I forget to blog... for like 4 days.

I think the common denominator here is that I never write them down. I mean, I actually keep lists of things in a special notebook specifically intended for my endless lists of 'things.' However, I don't take it with me 100% of the time. More like 60% of the time. So I end up forgetting about a lot of things that I want to do. While I'm having all these bullet points swirling around in my head with things I'm thinking about doing (does anyone else think with actual numbered lists or bullet points??) I might as well blog about it. That way I'm obligated to go through with them. Not really, but it'll feeeeeel like I have a responsibility to follow through with it. Plus typing is a lot easier and faster than actually handwriting. So here we go:

• vlogging about the fun happenings at work
• cook something yummy for Sunday dinner
• actually do that hair tutorial video I've been putting off since January oops
• finish that jacket
• clean out & organize my shoes + closet
• charge my phone haha!
• hem my dress
• paint my nails
• find some opaque tights under $5
• make Danielle a tutu
• make Lydia a skirt
• get a pair of matching belly rings

That's all for now. But I can almost guarantee that I'll have at least 5 more things to add to this lists the moment I press "publish."   TTFN

How NOT to bake fish

You've heard me say it a million times, but even though I can't cook for anything in this world I think I did pretty well! It turns out that I used a bit too much red pepper. By too much I mean my sister and mom no longer have sinuses. I burned them out lol. I TRIED! But it looks and smells good :D

Pretend photo shoot

My dad was a good sport. He got up early to help me take a million and one serious and not-so-serious pictures for a bunch of items that I'm selling.


Anywho, so about this 'photo shoot." Usually I do these for a reason, i.e. selling my things, but a lot of times what ends up happening is that just like most girls I like taking random pictures! I have never let go of my childish dream of being a model. Not the runway type. I'm more into the catalog scene.

Since I was around 11 or 12 I started to go onto online clothing sties like Delias.com and Alloy.com and request catalogs every season. The funny thing is the only thing I've EVER bought anything from one of those catalogs that I've gotten was a pair of really great faux leather knee-high flat boots in the 9th grade! If only you could see how many of those I still have. It's a bit ridiculous I must say...


All in all if you've seen my post "This is ridic" you'd know that today was a great sun-shiny day until my camera decided to malfunction. On my sisters way home from work she picked up pizza for us so that definitely turned my lil frown upside down :)

Scribbles from Sappy New Years' Eve

Growing pains are the worst pains.
I thought I was one of the lucky ones. One of the “special snowflakes” that can navigate through their teenage years without an awkward phase.
This year I will be 20. I know, not very old. BUT in my very short 19 years, I feel like I’ve done so much, yet I’ve also missed out on a world of opportunities.
I take these last 5 or so years as a big list of WHAT NOT TO DO!
I’ve

• broken my own heart
• tore myself down
• missed out on amazing things because of fear
• held myself back from having much needed conversations with certain people
• disappointed myself
• relapsed with my addictions

I’ve allowed

• the opinions of others to be ridiculously more important than my own
• people to walk all over me
• others to tear me down and hurt me because that’s what I thought I deserved
• myself to become a passive person
• myself to become somewhat of a martyr

BUT I’ve also

• built myself back up
• gotten fit
• acquired a good healthy diet/eating habits
• learned to speak up for myself and be honest about what I need/want
• allowed myself to be creative and imaginative
• started making my own decisions about my life
• come up with goal and actually achieved them
• weeded out toxic people in my life
• had fun and experimented with my ‘look’
• laughed until I cried
• gained much needed confidence