Sunday, January 12, 2014

8 1/2 lessons I learned from boys

This guy was the definition of uninhibited. He was fun, outgoing, kind, and did whatever his heart desired. A really good guy with a good heart and a free spirit. I was in high school and in the phase of pretending to be whatever the 'cool' thing was just to fit in. I was losing myself and he (unknowingly) reminded me who I was. He taught me to have fun and live in the moment. When we hung out I would forget who was around. I didn't care who was looking and I allowed myself to just be. I was goofy and silly and always looking on the bright side! I remember feeling happier whenever he'd come around. I learned to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me. People who I can truly be myself with.

Oh boy, I had a crush on this guy since I was 14! I was really bashful then and it wasn't until years later that we actually went on a date. We'd both grown up a bit and even though all the feelings had come rushing back something wouldn't let him get close to me. I want to make it clear that we were never in love, but I did learn a valuable lesson from him. I learned that love means letting someone in. You can't sulk and complain about the lack of love in your life and yet be terrified of the notion of it and run like hell when presented with the opportunity. I'm still learning this lesson: As unlovable as you think you are people do actually love you and want to care for you. And unless you want to be alone for the rest of your life, at some point you have to let them.

He and I were very similar. It was almost as if learning about him I was simultaneously learning about myself. We were both two lonely kids who needed love and attention. So when we started catching feelings for each other we just went with it. He was probably the first boy I can remember who gave me any kind of affection and I was over the moon about him! This may confuse you but while we had some really good times hanging out I ended up cutting him out of my life. Partly because I felt like when I would talk to him I was looking in a mirror and I didn't like my reflection. This wasn't really much of a lesson as it was a reality check. Don't get me wrong, he's a great person! And I'm not just saying that, at one point when I really needed a friend he stuck by my side. I will always be grateful for that. But I didn't like who I was at the time. He showed me a side of myself that I didn't like and taught me that I needed to make a change.

"Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.
Read it over.
Let those words resonate in your mind."

You set the standards for how you want to be treated. As a woman it is your job to set the boundaries. Things will only go as far (or as short) as you want them to. You don't owe any boy anything. Also, don't let someone sweet talk you to the point that you are compromising yourself. Some boys/men will tell you anything they think you wanna hear. They will butter you up to get what they want; money, control, sex, whatever. Don't fall for it. I'm not saying that you should turn your heart to stone but a little bit of skepticism is good for you. And never, I repeat NEVER ignore your intuition. I learned the hard way not to get sucked in by all the bells and whistles.

Older does not equal better. Some grown men are just little boys with facial hair and a mortgage.

  • Good guys are out there. 
  • It's okay to take things slow. I know it may feel that way, but this is not a competition. You don't need to rush anything. 
  • Don't let loneliness drive you into the arms of someone you know you don't belong with.
  • Also, stop throwing yourself at men who obviously don't care about you in a desperate attempt for reciprocation. It ain't gon happen. Stop being crazy. It's not cute.

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