I'm the kind of person who cannot be in a place where there is confrontation. Arguments, anger, loud voices, people going back and forth at each other, I cannot handle. It's perfectly normal to be uncomfortable in these situations. But I don't think you guys understand, I CANNOT stand it. You ever see those shows/lifetime movies when the parents are fighting and there's usually some 5 year old who freaks out and bursts into tears? That would be me. On the outside I know how to keep my cool. Internally I'm screaming my head off. Unfortunately though, arguments are sometimes unavoidable and you can't always just excuse yourself to be alone and fall apart.
Sometimes it seems so hard to fight the urge to freak out! But I've always been hyper-sensitive to everything. Yall know what they say - big hearts break easy. I know I know get a grip. Sometimes you just gotta put on your big girl pants and get. over. it. But for those times when it isn't that easy, what do you do?
I'd like to share with you a few techniques that I picked up along the way
- If the argument does not involve you directly - like, you just happen to be the innocent bystander and things suddenly pop off- counting is my number one life saver. It sounds silly but it seriously works and here's why: If you count backwards from 100 (or even 200 if you're really upset) by 3 all the way back down to 0 (ex- 100, 97, 94...) your logical/rational/thinking side of your brain will take over completely. You will automatically be forced to concentrate and focus on what number comes next. There will be literally nowhere for sad thoughts to go except away! and you thought math would never come in handy...
- DO NOT under any circumstance play sad or negative music. You know better than that. All it does is perpetuate the negativity and make you feel worse. No matter how 'good' it may feel to have a song express your exact feelings at the moment, nothing good can come of this. Actually how about no sad music ever. Just don't do it. It's a trap.
- Disconnect if you must. Use this with caution. When things get really bad and there's no exit for me to sneak out of I go into LaLaLand. I completely tune everyone and everything out.
- Remember that more than likely this situation has nothing to do with you. Sometimes things just happen. People reach their boiling points and you just happen to be there to witness it. You ever heard of people becoming so upset they see red? Well I've never been angry enough to see red, but I do know that in that moment you just don't care whose around or you simply forget someone is else is even there. It has nothing to do with you. You just got caught in the cross-fire, that's it and that's all.
- Sometimes it IS okay to cry it out! Take a moment, cry a river, but then go wash your face and come back when you're ready.
You got this.